The first thing I noticed was the cold-no it was something unnatural. Not a type of chill that made you shiver or left your breath hanging in the air; it was something that didn’t feel like it came without consequence. I couldn’t pinpoint the words with which to describe the feeling, it felt as if the adjectives necessary were at the edges of my mind, tantalizingly close to being uncovered.
I looked down at my feet and saw that I was wearing my favorite sunshine-yellow sneakers that had kept me company on those tiresome school days; when nothing seemed to go right those sneakers were a miniature sun in my dreary world. That had been years ago; they were lost now, abandoned in the back of some closet; yet the firmness of the shoes was brand new was lost in this abyss, they were almost an extension of my feet, and seemed to mold themselves around me effortlessly.
Now, beyond my feet, there was a ceaseless expanse of nothingness. My feet stayed firmly planted before I got the confidence to carefully set my foot down into space ahead of me. It held, and when that worked I took another step. Then another. I continued to travel through this dark space, unaware of where I was or how I had gotten here. This had to be a dream of sorts, otherwise, I would be falling to my doom, right?
I stopped looking down at my feet, still taking care to lightly bring my foot down with each step. As I looked up I saw an old hickory table a ways away that appeared to be old and worn down, but still usable and a feeling that it belonged where it was. There, at the side of the table sat a figure with its back turned to me, and somehow the very reality around them was warped to make the person unrecognizable. As I approached, I heard a voice inside my head, my voice.
“Take a seat, dear.”
There was another chair next to them, and as I finally got close, I pulled the chair out and took my place next to them. And the chills were gone. I felt a type of warmness and a smile spread across my face. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of warmth that spread throughout my body. It wasn’t warm like a temperature, but warm like whenever your friend decides to pull you into a big bear hug because you just looked a little down. Warm not with temperature, but with love.
“Take as much time as you need. You’re in control here sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. I couldn’t remember a single time whenever that pet name had been used to address me, but images began to flash as if a slideshow were playing in my mind. I saw my mother walking into our house, and I saw the scream escape her lips, yet heard nothing. That image then disappeared, replaced with a hospital urgently wheeling some unresponsive soul through the halls. I could tell they were shouting, but again I heard no sound. The scene before me faded out only to be a room in the same hospital. It was nighttime and the moon was basking light across a young woman’s face. She seemed somehow familiar, and I could almost remember her name. but the image was gone before I could put my finger on it. Belatedly I realized that I was still in this darkness sitting next to someone at an old hickory table.
I asked the person if I could go home, but my voice hitched in the middle of the sentence. The rest of my words were reduced to sobs. I usually wasn’t one for tears, yet it didn’t feel bad to cry here. Without saying a word the person next to me made me feel like I could cry for eternity in this void. I might have if I didn’t feel slender hands touch my shoulder to comfort me. Without flinching at the sudden physical contact, I moved in and wrapped my arms around their body. I cried into their shoulder because here, at this old table in the middle of nowhere, I knew what this place meant for me. I thought of my past, and it was nice to recollect my memories. Eventually, I began to calm down and the tears soon stopped flowing. I raised my head to rest on their shoulder.
“Claire? Are you ready to go now?”
I stared down at the ground, thinking about whether or not I was ready. It was only until I fixated myself on a part of them that was left untouched by the warped space around them that I felt confident in my answer.
“...yes.”
The hug tightened a bit as they moved their mouth near my ear to whisper to me.
“I am so, so very proud of you.”
The last image in my mind before I departed, was two pairs of sunshine yellow shoes standing next to each other.
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